Be Mine (but be his, really)
Elaine, we were talking about anagrams at the office recently, and I’m pretty sure that they always represent universal truths. Take yours, for instance: your full name can be rearranged to spell “All Iron Cereal,” “I, Local Learner” and “Anal Ice Roller.” Isn’t that crazy? After all, you love iron in your Frosted Mini Wheats, you’re enrolled in community college, and you drive a Butthole Zamboni.
In any case, I’m so happy that I know you. You’re a warm, hilarious, fantastic person. AND LOOK AT THOSE BOOBS! Jordan Hall, stop writing in my Tumblr post about Elaine. BOOBS! NUMNUMNUMNUM — Stop that right now Jordan Hall! He’s out of control. BRB, he’s gnawing on the radiator.
Remember when we went to the Hamptons, and watched improv, and ate Thai food in your kitchen, and we went skiing and you mastered the black diamond? I do. Let’s do lots more of that. Cheers friend, and best of luck on your next zamboni run across a big icy anus.
- Dan
